Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Special... in a relaxed sorta way.

Usually, when I find out I'm pregnant, I go into this automatic response of feeling the need to read and re-read every little thing with an unspoken anxiety about making sure I do every little bit of research I need to and every little bit of preparing I need to lest I meet that fateful day unprepared. I am something like a child who refuses to go to sleep at night for fear of missing out on a party. I always feel like I'm gonna miss something! I noticed myself running on auto pilot and getting right back into that familiar line of thinking this time around. Something was so very obvious to me though, this wasn't really a need of mine, but rather more of a habitual act I am use to following.

I decided I would spend some time really exploring that instead of simply doing the same ol' thing just because. I came to realize that I don't need to be so overly concerned with the possibility that I might miss something important. That is a really heavy burden to bear when I could spend the time relaxing and enjoying instead. I am a very relaxed person by nature. I'm the kind of person who would be quite content to just never get on the scale, never bother with measurements or any other sort of monitoring and labor without documenting every little detail. I know the very idea of that drives some people up a wall (they've told me so!) but that's me. I see pregnancy and childbirth as a very special time but also a very natural and normal part of life so I don't feel the need to obssess about it. It is very freeing to accept that this is where I am with it. I can let go of uneccesary pressure and simply be.

So like the title of this post says... I believe this baby/pregnancy/birth is as special as any could be, but I chose to experience it in a very relaxed sorta way this time around :-) Probably not good news for blogging but it is what it is.

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