Friday, March 6, 2009

Taking Care of Me...

I usually allow myself a week or so at the end of pregnancy to take a break from the world and any responsibilities that are outside of my immediate family. This time, I've decided to start a bit earlier. I feel like it's finally time that I start thinking about me and what's best for me at this moment in my life. How nice would it be to rest in the peace of not having anything tugging on me when I most want to relax and prepare. So here I am, approximately 2 months left, and I'm ready to take a step back and honor what I feel like I need. You see, it's my tendency to say yes to EVERYTHING and then silently deal with feeling totally wiped out and depleted. So call me selfish but I won't be doing that anymore.

To me, having a baby is not at all about seeing how much of my life remains the same. In other words, how quickly can I get the baby to work around my existing schedule. It's about embracing motherhood, and all that entails, yet again. Accepting that life is about change and transition and so the world can no longer expect the same things from me, because my life is not at all the same. Baby comes first. So if I'm not answering the phone, and you don't see me out and about, just know that a very special thing has occurred. Know that I am fully embracing these tender and fragile moments that pass all too quickly. Know that I am in no rush for life to "get back to normal". Know that I am in maternal bliss.

Now is the time to turn inward, to explore my heart and mind as the day approaches where a new beginning takes place and transition will occur. This is the time I have left to hug my baby on the inside :-) To savor every last moment we have alone together. This is my time to create the atmosphere I desire for my birth space. To sit in it daily and set my intentions for the birth and the babymoon that follows.

I'm not at all saying I'll be locked in my house until birth. Just that I want to do what feels right and good without feeling obligated or guilty. The only plans I intend to keep are my yoga classes. They have been beneficial in ways I cannot express and I never come away regretting my time there. In fact, it is by far the most loving and nurturing thing I have gifted myself with.

This life is so miraculous. Everyday moments can be so wonderful and meaningful. But in order to fully experience *life*, we must learn to live life in awareness. We must be present in every moment and live consciously, in love. We must break away from all that is superficial and shallow that begs to take over our very existence on a moment to moment basis. We must free ourselves from the pressure to meet the expectations the world has placed on us, or the need to please others. We must live from our heart. If we never learn to be truly loving toward ourselves, we will find it nearly impossible to truly love others. If I desire to love my children, my husband, this baby that sits in the root of my being, I must first understand what it means to love myself. Of course, I am speaking of something much deeper than a self preservation type of love.

Marshall Rosenberg says we must ask ourselves 2 simple questions...

What is alive in me?

What would make life more wonderful?

Then we can ask that of others as well...

What is alive in others?

What would make life more wonderful for others?

This is what I believe LOVE asks. When was the last time you asked yourself, "What would make life more wonderful for me?" This is exactly what I've asked myself, and I feel very blessed to have begun living out the answers.


Michelle said...

Enjoy this time that is just for you and the new baby, and then the family togetherness that comes when he or she arrives.

CunninghamRules!! said...

what a great way to look at it. You have such a graceful way of explaining yourself. Good for you