Friday, February 27, 2009

Finding Myself

I recently decided to take yoga classes outside of my home. Up until now I've been doing yoga in my bedroom with a DVD. Doing the DVD was certainly better than nothing but what I have noticed, now that I'm in a class, is that the DVD was merely a means to benefit physically from yoga poses since I couldn't reap any other benefits like relaxation (kids still running around outside the door needing me every 10-15 minutes) or self awareness (my attention was everywhere from what I could be doing instead since there's always something needing to be done here, to will I have enough time to finish? which made me feel rushed). At the yoga class, I am able to really let go and be present because there is nothing else for me to do! There is no one there to interrupt me, no pressure to rush and finish, no DVD rushing a pose even. The perfectionist in me would view the DVD and try to master the way the pose looked and focus little on how my body actually felt in it. Not the case in my class. There are no mirrors around for me to look at and get distracted with. Just me and my body.

If there is any one thing that I would say is benefiting me and preparing me the most right now emotionally, physically, and spiritually for pregnancy and labor it is this class. Every time I go I feel so much closer to my true self. I am getting to know myself in ways I have never even tried before. Life has a way of keeping us floating in the superficial layer of business where negative emotions run rampant. It's been such a transforming experience to be able to turn inward and not only get to know myself, but learn to love myself.

Last night at my class I was able to let go of so much of the heaviness I was feeling about my mother. I came to the realization that a lot of the emotions I was experiencing had little to nothing to do with my mother, she is simply what my mind attaches to when that emotion comes up for me. It felt good to let it all go. It a healing process, but I am aware now of what needs healing so I can work on it :-)

Going out to this class has been about healing, self love, and connectedness.

1 comment:

the_witty_knitter said...

I am so glad that you are doing something for *you*. Inner meditation really helps, doesn't it? Enjoy these last few weeks :)